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Wife or Girlfriend?

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.

The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.”

The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.”

The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend, it’s vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me…”

A guy who had forgotten the dates for a number

of his friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.

He went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. Finally, he found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” the guy asked.

“Have you tried a wife?” the clerk responded.

Man: What’s the wifi password?

Barman: You need to buy a drink first.

Man: Okay, I’ll have a coke.

Barman: Is Pepsi okay?

Man: Sure. How much is that?

Barman: £3.

Man: There you go. So what’s the wifi password?

Barman: You need to buy a drink first… No spaces, all lowercase!

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate:

“I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.”

Back came the answer: “Marry a penguin.”

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