One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.
His three children were outside, still in their PJs, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all around the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, and sand lay piled up by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse.
He found her lounging in the bedroom, still in her pyjamas, reading a novel.
She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”
She again smiled and answered, “You know, every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”
“Yes”, he replied reluctantly.
She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it!”
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV.
The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, “What are you staring at?”
“A spider,” he replies.
“I don’t see anything,” she says.
“Oh, it must have fallen on your head,” he said calmly.
The wife jumps up screaming…
The man says, “While you’re up, can you get me another drink?”
After a young couple brought their new baby home,
the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.
“I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”
The next time came around and she asked again.
The husband looked puzzled. “Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby.”
A husband returned home drunk late night.
His wife opened the door. He said, “Sorry honey. I couldn’t stop finishing a bottle whose brand name was same as yours!”
The next day the wife served breakfast.
The man complained, “Oh honey, there’s so much salt in this dish…”
The wife replied, “Sorry honey. I couldn’t stop myself adding more salt since the brand name was same as yours.”
