There are two polite people having dinner together.

On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish.

They politely say to each other, “You may choose first.”

“No, you may choose first.”

And this goes on for a while.

Then the first person says, “OK, I’ll take first.”

And he takes the BIG piece of fish.

The second person, “Why did you take the big piece? That’s not polite!”

The first person says, “Which piece would *you* have taken?”

The second person replies, “Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course.”

The first person says, “Well, that’s what you have now!”

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A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.

The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party.

It was well past 10 when he remembered. “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!”

He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.

He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”

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A young man introduces his fiancee to his parents.

While they were having dinner the girl gently farts. Annoyed by the funny smell the father in law yells:

– Rocky!!

The girl is relieved that the future in-law blamed the dog from under her chair but after a few minutes she lets one more rip.

The boy’s father is getting nervous:

– Rocky!! be careful now!!

Worried no more the girl fires another one.

Feeling exasperated, the boy’s father yells:

– Rocky! Get out of there fast! She’s gonna sh*t on you!

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With their ailing mother needing constant medical supervision,

a family decided to bring her to a very expensive and caring nursing home for a day to try it out.

The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay but after a while she slowly started to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her out.

Again, she seemed okay but after a while she started to tilt to the other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright.

This went on all morning, with the dedicated nurses making sure the old woman didn’t fall.

Later, the family arrived to see how she was adjusting to her new home.

“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they asked.

“It’s very nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let you fart.”