Tim decided to marry his long-time girlfriend.
One evening, not long after their honeymoon, he was busy organizing his golf equipment.
His wife stood nearby, quietly observing him.
After a lengthy silence, she finally spoke:
“Tim, I’ve been thinking. Now that we’re married, maybe it’s time you gave up golfing. You spend so much time at it, and you could probably sell your clubs for a good price.”
Tim froze, a horrified expression spreading across his face.
Alarmed, she asked, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
“For a moment there, you sounded just like my ex-wife,” he said.
“Ex-wife?!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were married before!”
“I wasn’t,” Tim replied.
LOL!!
One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed
One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed, the wife suddenly asked:
Wife: “Honey… do you think I’ve gained weight?”
The husband (texting on his phone, not looking up): “Uh… a little.”
Silence. Dangerous silence.
Wife: “What do you mean ‘a little’? You actually think I’ve gotten fat?”
Husband (still oblivious): “Well… you asked. I thought you wanted an honest answer.”
Wife: “Do you realize that question was a trap?”
Husband: “A trap? What kind of trap?”
Wife: “A trap to test your love! The correct answer is: ‘No, babe, you’re as stunning as ever.’ Not ‘Uh… a little!’ Oh my god!”
Husband: “But you said you wanted me to always be honest with you!”
Wife: “I want you to be honest with the world, not with me!”
Husband (trying to recover): “I mean… you’ve gained a little, but it’s cute! Like, in a huggable way…”
Wife: “Aha! So you admit there’s been weight gain! Thanks for confirming!”
Husband: “… I feel like I’m on trial right now.”
Wife: “Correct. And you just confessed under oath.”
Husband silently grabs a pillow and blanket.
Wife: “Where are you going?”
Husband: “To the couch. Trying to avoid a five-year sentence.”
