It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed, “I’m here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.”
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
“I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for six generations”
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. . .”
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
“SH*T!” said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to p e e. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”
“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even c r a p anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble p e e ing too?” asked the 60-year-old.
“No, not really. I p e e every morning at 6:00. I p e e like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”
“Do you have trouble c r a p p ing?”
“No, I c r a p every morning at 6:30.”
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, “Let me get this straight. You p e e every morning at 6:00 and c r a p every morning at 6:30. So what’s so tough about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”
