A man is sitting at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door.
The man gets up and answers the door, and to his astonishment, there is a snail at the door.
The snail says “can I sell you some double glazing?” To which the man replies “no” and kicks him down the street.
Two weeks later there is another knock at the door. The man answers it and it is the snail again.
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The snail then says “what did you do that for then?”
A man was Promoted to Montreal
Boss: Congratulations! I’m promoting you to manage our Montreal office!
The young man (disappointed): But sir! There’s nothing up there but bar girls and hockey players.
Boss (now insulted): I’ll have you know that MY MOTHER is from Montreal!
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The young man (thinking fast): No kidding? What hockey team did she play on?