A slick city lawyer took a weekend trip to the countryside and decided to try his hand at duck hunting.
After a lucky s.h.ot, the bird dropped into a field just beyond a barbed-wire fence.
As the lawyer climbed over to retrieve it, a weathered old farmer pulled up on a tractor and called out, “Hey there, what do you think you’re doing?”
“I s.h.ot a duck,” the lawyer said confidently. “It landed over here, so I’m going to get it.”
The farmer shook his head. “This here’s my land. That duck’s mine now.”
The lawyer scoffed. “Listen, I’m one of the top attorneys in New York. If you don’t let me take that duck, I’ll sue you for every acre you’ve got.”
The old man grinned. “We don’t do lawsuits around here. We settle things with what we call ‘Country Justice.’”
“Country Justice?” the lawyer asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yep,” the farmer said. “We take turns kicking each other. I go first since it’s my land. Then you kick me. We go back and forth till someone gives up.”
The lawyer sized up the farmer — scrawny, wrinkled, and clearly pushing 80 — and thought, Easy win. “Alright, you’re on.”
The farmer stepped down from the tractor, walked up slowly in his muddy steel-toed boots, and without hesitation, delivered a thunderous kick straight to the lawyer’s groin.
The attorney collapsed, gasping in pain, eyes watering, face-first into a fresh pile of cow manure. After a minute, he staggered to his feet, barely standing.
“Alright,” he wheezed. “Now it’s my turn…”
The farmer chuckled and waved him off. “Ah, never mind. I give up. You can keep the duck.”
A duck walks into a general store
A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager, “Got any fresh fruit?”
“No.”
“Got any fresh vegetables?”
“No. We have only canned and dry goods.”
The next day, the duck returns, “Got any fresh fruit?”
“No.”
“Got any fresh vegetables?”
“No, I told you yesterday, that we have only canned and dry goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I’ll nail your flippers to the floor.”
On the third day, the duck walks in and asks, “Got any nails?”
“No.”
“Got any fresh fruit?”
