A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg.

After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water, “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes.”

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90-year-old George went for his annual physical.

All of his tests came back with normal results.

Dr. Darns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”

George replied, “God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I’m done.”

“Wow,” commented Dr. Darnes, “that’s incredible!”

A little later in the day Dr. Darnes called George’s wife.

“Thelma,” he said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great. But I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?”

Thelma exclaimed, “That old fool! He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again!”

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Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying.

“Why are you crying?” asked the other child.

“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.”

When he heard this, the other child started to cry.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m here for a urine test.”