A guy and his buddy are on the beach trying to pick up girls.
The guy walks up and down the beach in his bathing suit and nothing. Nobody looks.
He comes back to his friend and the friend says “try a speedo”. So he walks up and down the beach in his speedo. Nothing. The girls aren’t reacting.
So his buddy says “take this potato and shove it down your speedo”. And the guy does.
He walks up and down the beach, and everyone is reacting. Hot girls, ugly girls, the surfers, a guy walking his dog, the lifeguards, everyone.
The guy gets back and his buddy says “you were supposed to stick it in the front”.
A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.”
The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.”
The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend, it’s vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me…”
No no for jewelry
As a man serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let him know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale.
“I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something,” she suggested.
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he answered.
“A handsome man like you and you don’t have a girlfriend? Why not?”
“My wife won’t let me.”
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
“Oh, I really liked it”, she said, “but I just couldn’t understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.”
Surprised, the boyfriend asked: “What do you mean?”
The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was: “Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!”
A guy who had forgotten the dates for a number
of his friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.
He went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. Finally, he found one where the clerk seemed experienced.
“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” the guy asked.
“Have you tried a wife?” the clerk responded.
