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A drunk man gets on a bus

This drunk gets on a bus and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and Cork.

About two hours,” says the conductor.

“OK,” says the drunk “then how long is the trip between Cork and Limerick?”

The irate driver says to the drunk “It’s still about two hours.

Why’d you think there’d be a difference?”

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“Well,” says the drunk, “It’s only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it’s a long time between New Year and Christmas!”

Some Texans are mingling at the bar

Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in.

“Howdy, stranger,” one Texan says. “Where are you from?”

The Oxford graduate answers, “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.”

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“Oh, I’m sorry,” replies the Texan. “Where are you from,juckass?”

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