NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
1. Fine:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to relax before helping around the house.
3. Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.
4. Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5. Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about “nothing”. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That’s Okay!:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay! means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).
8. Whatever:
Is a woman’s way of saying…err…such words cannot be published.
9. Don’t worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.
Dictionary for women
Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realised it yet.
Bar-be-que: You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he made the dinner.
Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity: The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise: To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser: Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician”.
Hardware Store: Similar to a black hole in space — if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.
Patience: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilliser”.
Valentine’s Day: A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner and diamonds, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
