A judge was questioning a woman about her pending divorce and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She cheerfully replied, “About four acres, with a cozy house right in the middle and a lovely little stream nearby.”
The judge sighed. “No, I mean, what is the foundation of this case?”
“Oh!” she said. “Concrete, brick, and mortar.”
Trying again, he asked, “What are your relations like?”
She smiled. “Well, I have an aunt and uncle in town, and my husband’s parents live nearby too.”
The judge rubbed his temples. “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No, sir,” she answered. “Just a two-car carport. Never needed a grudge.”
Taking a deep breath, he asked, “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Oh, yes!” she nodded. “Both our son and daughter have stereo systems. We don’t always like their music, but yes, there’s some in fidelity.”
Now exasperated, he asked, “Ma’am, does your husband ever b.e.a.t you up?”
“Oh sure,” she said. “At least twice a week, he gets up earlier than I do.”
Completely frustrated, the judge finally demanded, “Then why do you want a divorce?”
“Me?” she said, surprised. “I don’t want a divorce! My husband does. He says he can’t communicate with me.”
LOL!!
A lawyer married a woman who had previously been divorced ten times.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously been divorced ten times.
On their wedding night, she turned to her new husband and said, “Please be gentle, I’m still a v.i.rgin.”
“What?” said the baffled groom. “How is that possible after ten marriages?”
She sighed and explained:
Husband #1 was a salesman—he kept promising how amazing it would be, but never actually delivered.
Husband #2 was in software development —he wasn’t sure how it was supposed to work but said he’d troubleshoot and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services —he ran all the diagnostics but couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing—even though he had the order, he had no clue when he could deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer—he had a complex plan but needed three years to research, design, and implement it.
Husband #6 was in finance—he thought he could do it but wasn’t sure it was in his job description.
Husband #7 was in marketing —he had great presentation skills but didn’t know how to position himself.
Husband #8 was a psychologist—all he did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist —all he did was examine it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector—all he ever did was… God, I miss him!
She then smiled at her new husband and said, “But now that I’ve married you, I know things will be different!”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” the lawyer asked.
“Because you’re a lawyer. This time, I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
