Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realises that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up.
“Brad, are you up yet?” asks Mike.
Brad sleepily answers, “Yeah, but I’m only now starting my coffee.”
“Brad, open the newspaper to page 5.”
“Why, what’s in the paper?”
“Brad, get the paper and open it to page 5 now!”
“Ok, ok, I’ve got the paper here, so what’s in page 5?”
“Brad, look at the bottom of column 4.”
“Why? What’s that story on?”
“Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!”
“Ok, ok, I’ll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!” The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues.
Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks in a trembling voice, “So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?”
A new widowed requested the epitaph ‘Rest in Peace’ for her husband’s tombstone.
When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving.
This was impossible, the words were chiseled and could not be changed.
“In that case,” she said. “Please add ‘Till We Meet Again’.”
Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands.
The first woman says, “Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn’t there!”
“I know!” the next woman says, “Last night my husband said he was going to his brother’s house, but when I called he wasn’t there.”
The third woman says, “I always know where my husband is.”
“Impossible!” both women exclaim, “He has you completely fooled!”
“Oh no,” says the woman. “I’m a widow.”
