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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

The first says to the second, “I think I’ve lost an electron.”

The second replies, “Are you sure?”  to which the first retorts,

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“Yes, I’m positive.”

The worst haircut ever

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you’ve ever seen.

“Give me two shots of Jack Daniels,” he says to the bartender. “One for me, and one for you.”

“You know, I don’t drink on the job,” the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

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Downing the drink, the man replies, “And that’s why I like you better than my barber!”

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