I told my friend not to get too excited about turning 32, since her birthday party would be so short.
“Why would it be short?” she asked.
I said, “Because it’s your thirty-second birthday.”
A billionaire decides to throw a massive party on his 50th birthday.
During the party, he grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion there is a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.
“I will give anything to the person who swims across that pool,” he says.
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests run to the pool to see what has happened. A man is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping. This guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him. He reaches the end and gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, “I am a man of my word. Anything of mine — my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything — for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, sir, what will it be?”
The guy grabs the mic and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the idiot who pushed me in!”
Card Cover Up
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.
The clerk replied, “We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?”
The man said, “You don’t understand. I need a card that covers ‘both’ events. You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday.”
An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.
The father bought his son a stout, but he didn’t like it and didn’t want to drink it.
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
He didn’t like it either.
So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider. Lager, cider, cream ale… he didn’t like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whisky instead.
He didn’t like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
By the time they left the bar.
The father was so drunk he could barely push his son’s stroller home.
