Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
I am in shape; round is a shape.
Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
Stupidity got us into this mess; why can’t it get us out?
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just stand there.
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually, you find a hair stylist you like.
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stopped laughing.
A 72 year old man had one hobby – he loved to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’ he looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ‘Pick me up.’ He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’
The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!’
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said?’ I said, ‘Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.’
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
‘Nah. At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.’
